| 1. | Be shitfaced (optional) |
| 2. | Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). In a medium bowl, stir together the flour, baking soda, and salt; set aside. |
| 3. | In a large bowl (your stand mixer bowl if you have one), cream together the butter and 1 cup each white and brown sugar until fluffy. Beat in the eggs one at a time, then mix in the vanilla. Beat in the dry ingredients a small amount at a time until just blended. Spread the dough out over two nonstick cookie sheets until it's flatter than a white girl booty. |
| 4. | Skip step 4 (optional) |
| 5. | Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven, until lightly browned at the edges and a toothpick comes out almost clean. Allow gargantuan cookie to cool on baking sheet on a wire rack for 5 minutes. Cut into squares with a pizza cutter. Eat pieces that stick to pizza cutter. |
| 6. | Drink the milk. |
| 7. | For travel, layer in a container with wax paper between the layers. |